Daily Funny Stuff

Rural Australian Computer Terminology. A little bit of Aussie kulcha for y’all. G’day!

LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute.
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys.
WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.
BYTE: What mozzies do.
MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP: A bar snack.
MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the Ute won't go.
CURSOR: What you say when the Ute won't go.
YAHOO: What you say when the Ute does go.
UPGRADE: A steep hill.
SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch..
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counterlunch.
USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.
ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.

How Lord of the Rings really should have ended… No, really. It makes a lot more sense like this and would have saved between 4-8 hours of your life.

For all y’all who want to read the whit and whisdom of Fifty Cent (Fiddy to his friends ‘n homies) but suffer, like me, from a lack of understanding of how he talks - fret no more! You can now read 50 Cent’s twitter feed handily translated into the Queen’s English. Go check it out, y’all!* (* We would be delighted if you would gratefully consent to click on this modern link style contraption to read the fine written word styling of Master Fifty Cent Esq.), yo.

The winner of this year’s funniest joke< of the Fringe went to Tim Vine. His funniest joke, as adjudged by Dave, was a one-liner from his set as follows:

“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”

Groan.